February 2012
yo' mama got snakeskin teeth
funniest thing about today
was the raggedy, toothless (and probably homeless?) old woman pushing her shopping cart down the sidewalk in front of my job, playing ‘Good Times’ on her boom box.
Sometimes NY makes me smile instead of cringe.
January 2012
I think I might have been holding my breath for...
Since I began my new job in December, I have been dealing not only with learning the intricacies of a whole new business, but also a shit ton of harassment from a particular co-manager. It’s literally been so bad that I had begun to dread working with him, as he inevitably disappeared for hours on end, leaving me to handle situations about which I had no clear idea how to handle according...
Oh, and what about ol' Greg Kelly?
Prince What-A-Mess
1 tag
I honestly thought that today was SuperBowl Sunday...
Go ahead and laugh.
So while I was outside my job having a cigarette on Monday, I heard someone get hit by a car. I was turned in the opposite direction at the time, but I heard the collective gasp of everyone around me and saw a crowd gathered.
My first concern was for the delivery guys we employ and my heart sank. Then I noticed there wasn’t a bike involved, and was relieved, momentarily anyway.
The...
I've never experienced a tornado.
Was just discussing this with another Alabamian. (that sounds so weird)
However, I do recall being subjected to periodic tornado drills in which all students were herded out into the hall and forced to sit on the floor with our knees drawn and our hands covering our lowered heads.
This seems as unlikely to protect one from a tornado as crawling under a desk would if there were a nuclear...
Also, I recently discovered I have Dutch heritage.
I was surprised, though not sure why.
Perk!
One awesome thing about my job is that people are forever leaving accessories behind. I let them languish in the Lost & Found for about a week, but then they are MINEALLMINE.
Thus far, I have managed to acquire one pair of really nice leather gloves, one pair of cashmere elbow length gloves, and (my personal favorite) a pair of black velvet gloves lined with some sort of Thinsulate material...
1 tag
And this happened:
About a month ago, my father called to tell me that my younger sister was pregnant. (Like I care! We hate each other! Though sometimes I think that it’s just a comfortable habit at this point, I can’t remember exactly when our relationship became one of animosity).
The only feeling I had about this news was an uncomfortable suspicion that a grandchild might enable her to receive...
1 tag
I feel guilty but it's still true:
During this whole ordeal, one thought kept surfacing despite my attempts to push it away: I’m so glad it’s not CJ.
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Cats...good grief!
Yesterday SickyPie-Pie-Pie threw up at least 6 times, the last 3 nothing but bile (sorry). He was very lethargic, and I suspected he had a fever. I called my regular vet at around 3 p.m., but received the voicemail stating the office was closed.
Brief tangent: Why does the voice on the outgoing message on my vet’s voicemail have a British accent? No one I’ve ever encountered there...
2 tags
Self-realization of the day:
I am able, and indeed find it cathartic, to laugh at situations that might be sad or horrific without taking them any less seriously.
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Tonight I decided what one of The Worst Things In...
As I was sprinting home from the train in the bitter cold, it occurred to me how utterly horrible it would be to be hit by a car and lie in the street waiting on the ambulance in this weather.
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WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER KINNNNDLLLEE.
This, to the tune of ‘We Don’t Need Another Hero’ (Tina!!) is R’s response to my father sending me a Kindle (this makes 3!!) for Christmas.
Yes, I just now received my Christmas present. The Post Office is beyond contempt in my opinion. It’d be different if I EVER received ANYTHING on time or at least close enough to suggest they made an effort, but no. I never, ever...
apparently, I apologize too often when it's not my...
This from the GM at my place of work.
I hadn’t noticed.
Fuck it.
Tonight when I was walking to the train after work, I had a moment in which I suspected this guy was going to make a grab for my purse. I was basically alone on the street with him, after dark, and he was behaving in a shady manner.
He didn’t actually go for it, if indeed he was considering doing so, and I forgot about it after a moment.
Then, at the end of the next block, as I was about...
R tells me that Kermit the Frog was known as “Rene” in Argentina, and Miss Piggy was “Porquita”.
That’s hysterical. I love puns. Porquita, I love it.
and as far as that dream goes
i attribute it to falling asleep to CNN.
also noteworthy:
a homeless man came into my job the other day asking for free food. however i may feel about the issue on a personal level, professionally i have to deny his request.
he left but came back inside to announce that i needed to be in a different line of work.
i felt like saying that perhaps he needed to BE in a line of work.
however, i dont know if there is much of a market for predator...
dreams...sigh
today i dreamed that i was swimming in a hotel pool with a 9 year old african american girl who had been murdered. so i guess i was swimming with her ghost, although this wasn’t directly addressed. nor was i fearful of her.
as we were climbing the stairs to return to our rooms, she turned to me and said, “i hope you understand that newt gingrich must not be allowed to become...
I went to the strangest office holiday party last...
R.’s company gave a party at an odd little place, almost in Coney Island, that had what appeared to be airplane toilets. (just a little something I noticed)
The entertainment consisted of two singers, one a man who I suspect was once a woman, and a woman who was dressed in sequins. And I mean, she wasn’t wearing anything that wasn’t sequined.
I wasn’t paying too much...
December 2011
By the way, what a horrific day.
It started when I woke up at 4 a.m. in order to open the place at 7.
Only I’d never opened before and there was no one there to show me anything, as was planned, due to a scheduling error.
Therefore I did not know the code to enter when the alarm went off as I entered the office. Loud noises make me shaky and I’m not sure I ever recovered as the day went on.
And ON and ON it...
1 tag
SURELY you jest.
Tonight one of the delivery guys from Bangladesh asked me (in all seriousness) if I were Chinese.
THAT is a new one.
things seem to be moving entirely too fast.
but I suppose that’s what happens when you rejoin life again after a 7 month respite spent almost entirely in your apartment.
And now for something completely different. (More...
I promise you that the next time my upstairs neighbor decides to run the vacuum at an inappropriate hour (lately 7 a.m. on Sundays and 2 a.m. on weeknights), there will be a significant amount of four-letter words delivered straight to her face.
With all of the noise I have to endure (the guy downstairs playing the same song for 6 hours, and that is not an exaggeration in any way, the 15 people...
1 tag
When I awoke this morning, I had a moment of...
I couldn’t seem to decide what day it was and whether or not I was late to work. Bless R. for noticing my distress and informing me that it was my day off before I reached full-blown terror.
That sort of morning-amnesia almost never happens to me. I am suspecting it’s due to the level of stress I’ve been experiencing.
Btw, I never thought I would accuse someone of...
Even in my own head. I have a pretty relaxed attitude about that stuff. But this whole situation is just so blatant that I find it impossible to ignore. I feel that it will only get worse if I don’t nip it in the bud right now.
1 tag
I just don't know anymore...
So I have a co-manager with whom I seem to have a communication issue. He is always very curt and even unfriendly with me, and we unfortunately have to work together most evenings. Therefore, ignoring the problem isn’t going to help matters much.
I’ve tried letting it go, attempting to stroke his ego (which, by the way, is incredibly difficult for me to do; as a woman I try to avoid...
I've progressed from bursting into tears at HLN's...
Seriously, at least once every morning I’m bawling like a little bitch.
This morning they upped the ante and covered a young boy who saved up his allowance to pay off a stranger’s layaway.
I can’t take this kind of sweetness. It’s destroying my cynicism.
But this was cute.
The lady who cut my hair today had a Yorkie who spent the entire time curled up in my lap asleep while I scratched her belly.
She stretched in ways that were oddly reminiscent of my little kitty CJ.
When I left she barked and turned circles to show her displeasure.
I make friends easily with animals.
Sometimes I gross myself out
I was at the corner store and they had these musical lights on display. To call them musical is a stretch, as they were playing ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’, but as if they were powered by a battery that was quickly going dead. (I checked but they were plugged into an outlet).
It sounded like Christmas on a bad LSD trip. I fully expected to look up to see the walls melting and a...
sometimes, good things happen
day before yesterday I received a check from an establishment where I had trained for two weeks, before deciding it wasn’t for me. I fully expected to have to push for any payment at all, so this was a nice surprise.
Yesterday I twice caught my fellow manager discussing me with the serving staff. Both times I walked up behind him as he was doing so, which must have been incredibly awkward for him. I know it was for me, as he was sharing things I had told him manager to manager, and which I did not expect would be shared with my employees.
Not knowing what to say, I told him that from then on I would start...
Born to be the boss.
Thats what R says, and I tend to agree. I am quite bossy.
I still cant quite believe I landed a managerial position WITH benefits.
Somebody pinch me.
Laundry might be less painful if I could get the...
with intermittent bursts of the theme from ‘Gimme a Break’.
Is this Hell?
Walking in the rain is preferable to taking the 6...
Misadventures in the Spanish language
Apparently, “perros calientes” is NOT the correct term for hot dogs.
I admit that I suspected as much, but it gave me a laugh to say it anyway.
November 2011
stuffing my pockets with quarter rolls before...
its quite windy out there.
Well, damn.
Sorry to hear that Brett Butler (Grace Under Fire) is homeless, and that her sitcom ended several years ago due to a drug relapse on her part. I believe the problem was heroin back in the day.
However, some people are prone to dramatic reversals of fortune. I wonder why that is.
Substance abuse aside, of course.
PETA, you make me laugh.
Asking Turkey, TX to change their name to Tofurkey. I almost choked on my coffee seeing a cranky old man do an almost perfect impression of Hank Hill. Only it wasn’t an impresson.
LMFAO.
this shit is crazy. admirable, but still crazy.
I’m so glad I don’t still live in the FiDi. Large crowds terrify me, sometimes I pass out and have seizures.
I took another job, as a manager at a place only a block or so over.
I cannot seem to reach anyone at my current place of employment in order to give my notice, let alone find out if I am scheduled to work. They haven’t even made it and the other server is calling me to see if I know anything.
I SO do not thrive in disorganized environments.
1 tag
my job is kicking my ass
for a part time position, I sure am putting a lot of effort into this place:
In order to be there by 7:45 am, I must get out of bed by 5:30. Then, I begin taking tables from 8-3.
Sounds pretty simple, except I am NONSTOP TAKING TABLES, with no time for a meal or even a snack, barely time to take a drink of water, let alone go to the bathroom.
Federal law dictates I receive a 15 minute break for...
it's a wee bit nipply out.
Turkey’s done!
So Slickerucifer tried to attack me last night… it was the first time I have ever been even slightly afraid of a cat in my whole life. I had to defend myself by spraying Windex, for pete’s sake.
I’m not scared now. I should probably rehome him.
But I am the kind of sucker who handles physical pain SO much better than the guilt and emotional anguish I would feel if I got rid...
I like my new job.
I work with someone who is also from Alabama.
It’s pretty much all we have in common. But it’s enough.
I know one thing.
When I’m so old my ass cannot make it across the street, I hope I have proper care.
Because the more I think about that old lady, the more it breaks my heart.
I hope she at least has a bunch of cats. Seriously.
I like sandwiches.
A lot.